Transcript of
The One With the Prom Video
Transcribed by Joshua Hodge
(NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.]
CHANDLER: What's this?
JOEY: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
JOEY: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for head
shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count. I
love ya man.
CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always
bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
JOEY: Heh, what d'ya say?
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
JOEY: Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out.
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case] Thanks best
bud.
JOEY: Put it on.
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think
something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a
chair in front of the drawer]
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets
the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts
the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
CHANDLER: I so am.
JOEY: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get
used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: A kitchen somewhere. Monica is interviewing for a job]
INTERVIEWER: Well, this all looks good.
MONICA: Great.
INTERVIEWER: And if I want to call for a reference on your last job?
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
INTERVIEWER: Alright, lets see if you're as good in person as you are on paper. Make me a salad.
MONICA: A salad? Really I, I could do something a little more
complicated if you like.
INTERVIEWER: No, just a salad will be fine.
MONICA: You got it.
INTERVIEWER: Now, I want you to tell me what you're doing while you're
doing it.
MONICA: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.
INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?
MONICA: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.
INTERVIEWER: Don't, I like it dirty.
MONICA: That's your call.
INTERVIEWER: So, uh, what are you going to do next?
MONICA: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
INTERVIEWER: Are they, uh, firm?
MONICA: They'r alright.
INTERVIEWER: You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very, very bad?
MONICA: No really, they're OK.
INTERVIEWER: You gonna slice them up real nice?
MONICA: Actually, I was gonna do them julienne.
INTERVIEWER: Aaaahhhhhhh.
MONICA: I'm outa here. [Monica leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
PHOEBE: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.
ROSS: Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
ROSS: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my
messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.
PHOEBE: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.
ROSS: Wha, OK, now how do you know that?
PHOEBE: Because she's your lobster.
CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .
[Monica enters from bathroom after taking a shower]
CHANDLER: Hey, you feelin' better?
MONICA: Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.
PHOEBE: So, do you have any other possibilities?
MONICA: Oh yeah, well there's the possibility that I won't make rent.
ROSS: Monica, if you want, I can lend you some money.
MONICA: No no no, if I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.
ROSS: Oh OK. Well then why don't you, uhh, why don't you borrow it from mom and dad? You feel guilty and tense around them already. You might as well make some money off of them.
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
PHOEBE: What is that sparkly thing?
CHANDLER: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little flashy.
ROSS: No no, no no, it's not flashy, not for a Goodfella.
MONICA: Man, man that is sharp. It must have cost you quite a few
dubloons.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door and lets
her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]
MONICA: Hi.
MR. GELLER: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Hi darling.
MONICA: So, what's this.
MR. GELLER: Some of your old stuff.
MRS. GELLER: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're turning your room into a gym.
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
MR. GELLER: Gosh, we talked about that but your brother has so many science trophies and plaques and merit badges, well we didn't want to disturb them.
MONICA: Oh, God forbid.
[Rachel enters with a laundry basket]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, hi Rachel.
RACHEL: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, we were so sorry to hear about your parents splitting up, dear.
RACHEL: Oh, well, you know, they're just separated so, you know, never know, we'll see.
MR. GELLER: Well, I can't say any of us were surprised. Your parents have been unhappy ever since we've known them. Especially after that incident in Hawaii.
RACHEL: What, what incident?
MR. GELLER: Uhh, naa, no no no, I, I must be thinking of someone else, uh, maybe me. Don't you have some folding to do? Go fold dear. Fold. You fold. [shuffles her into her room]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
PHOEBE: Do you want a refill?
CHANDLER: No, I'm alright, thanks.
PHOEBE: OK. Ooh, OK, you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. [she sticks out her gut, clears her throat and sniffs her nose and then in her best male voice. . .] Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot babe
checkin' you out. That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now.
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
GAIL: I'm Gail.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
GAIL: I, I really have to be somewhere but it was nice meeting you.
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the
Liberace house of crap.
PHOEBE: It's not that bad.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around
sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind
Chandler]
PHOEBE: Chandler, Chandler.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the
fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just
doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey
turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually
good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross
and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
ROSS: Would you look at that guy, I mean how long has he been talking to
her. It's like, back off buddy she's a waitress not a geisha.
PHOEBE: I think she's OK.
ROSS: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder] Look at
that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge.
Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of their
conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel?
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: I'm Ross Geller. Wha, I'm, God in your add you said you were
pretty but wow.
RACHEL: What are you, what are you doin'?
ROSS: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it, uh,
well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll have something to tell
the grandkids.
MAN: Sure will. I've uh, gotta go. Take care.
ROSS: OK, see ya later, nice meeting you. [man leaves] You're welcome.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: I was saving you.
RACHEL: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation with
the interesting man, saving me?
ROSS: Oh, see from where I was sitting I uh. . .
RACHEL: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.
ROSS: But, you are.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: Uh, uh, well you're, umm, you're my lobster.
RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy
again?
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the
tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around
holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . .
Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
PHOEBE: Do the claws again.
ROSS: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, let's talk, what
about us?
RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.
ROSS: No, but. . .
RACHEL: No, listen to me. I fell for you and I get clobbered. You then
fall for me and I again, somehow, get clobbered. I'm tired of being
clobbered, ya know, it's, it's just not worth it.
ROSS: Well, but, but. . .
RACHEL: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. Accept that.
ROSS: E-except, except that what?
RACHEL: No, no, ACC-cept that.
ROSS: Oh.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey
enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't
respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing.
Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say?
[Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball
takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just
said so.
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I
hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
JOEY: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you
made fun of me?
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we
wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey,
c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will
never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his
wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know,
you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting
up the couch cushions]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the
couch cushions]
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a
symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times.
Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching
tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
MR. GELLER: You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush. I'm just
saying, it's right there.
ROSS: Hey guys.
MRS. GELLER: Hi, darling. Where's my grandson, you didn't bring him?
ROSS: No, he's at uh, Carol's and Susan's today.
MR. GELLER: A woman in my office is a lesiban. I'm just saying.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint commercial that
cracks you up. [the Gellers return to watching TV and Ross goes over to
Monica]
MONICA: Where have you been?
ROSS: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the money yet?
MONICA: No, but that's probably 'cause I haven't asked them yet.
ROSS: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.
MONICA: Um, yeah, so uh, uhh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this
before but umm, I, I'm no longer at my job, I, I had to leave it.
MRS. GELLER: Why?
MONICA: Because they made me.
MRS. GELLER: You were fired? What're you gonna do?
MR. GELLER: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little harmonica we're
talking about. We taught her well. Ten percent of your paycheck, where
does it go?
MONICA and ROSS: In the bank.
MR. GELLER: There you go. So she dips into her savings, that's what it's
there for. She's gonna be fine, and if you need a little extra, you know
where to find it. [pulls a quarter from behind her ear]
MONICA: Anything larger back there?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
PHOEBE: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in
the hay.
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the
fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated
to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've
got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found?
[holds up Chandler's bracelet]
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have
two.
CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: How come you have two?
CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
JOEY: Get out.
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to
you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts
bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading
bracelet] best buds.
JOEY: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet
buddies.
CHANDLER: That's what they'll call us.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Ross are standing in
the kitchen. Ross is filling out a check]
ROSS: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever you like.
MONICA: You have dinosaur checks?
ROSS: Yeah, yeah I mean, you get your money and you learn a little
something, what's wrong with that?
MONICA: Nothin', nothin', hey you're a cheapasaurus. I'm kidding, I'm
kidding, thank you, I'm very greatful.
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a
huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
MONICA: Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school. I was uh, a
little bigger then.
CHANDLER: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when
it rained.
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?
MONICA: Hey, you got me, put it in.
ROSS: [Rachel enters] Oh.
RACHEL: Hi.
ROSS: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path.
Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge
nose]
RACHEL: Oh my God.
JOEY: What is with your nose?
RACHEL: They had to reduce it because of, of my deviated septum.
CHANDLER: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.
MONICA: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
RACHEL: Oh.
ROSS: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
ALL: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.
MRS. GELLER: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the
whole screen]
MR, GELLER: Wait, how do you zoom out? [zooms out and we see an
extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich] There she is.
JOEY: Some girl ate Monica.
MONICA: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
MONICA: Oh, you look so great.
RACHEL: Ahh, so do you, beautiful. [they hug]
MONICA: Oops.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Shoot, I think I got mayonaise on you.
RACHEL: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.
MR. GELLER: Everybody smile.
MONICA: Oh, dad, turn it off.
MR. GELLER: It is off.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with
an afro and moustache]
JOEY: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.
ROSS: You look pretty tonight.
RACHEL: Oh, thanks. So, uh, what are you gonna do this summer?
ROSS: Oh, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna hang out, work on my music.
RACHEL: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling off her shoulders] Is
my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I can't. . .
ROSS: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So what're you gonna do. . .
[doorbell rings]
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here.
ROSS: this summer?
CHANDLER: Work on your music?
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing
'Axel-F']
RACHEL: Oh my God, look there's Roy Gublik.
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.
RACHEL: Where's Chip, why isn't he here yet?
ROY: He'll be here OK, take a chill pill. [Chip pins Monica's corsage
on, Monica then turns and whispers to Rachel]
MONICA: I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob.
RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too
late.
MONICA: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
ROY: Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass.
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should
take Rachel to the prom.
ROSS: Doubtful.
MRS. GELLER: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son.
MR. GELLER: Your mother's right. Take her, you can wear my tux.
ROSS: Dad, she won't want to go with me.
MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man.
ROSS: I don't know.
MR. GELLER: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?
RACHEL: I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom, this is so
harsh.
ROSS: OK. Hold my board.
MR. GELLER: Atta boy. [Ross scrambles upstairs to change]
ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
ALL: No, no, no.
ROSS: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
MR. GELLER: C'mon kid, let's go.
MRS. GELLER: Ahh, are you hadsome.
MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks
down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable]
OK dad.
MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your
knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up and the four are
leaving]
RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
MR. GELLER: Press the button.
MRS. GELLER: Which one? Which button, Jack.
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.
MONICA: I can't believe you did that.
ROSS: Yeah, well.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and
kisses Ross]
PHOEBE: See, he's her lobster.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of
the tape]
MRS. GELLER: Dance with him.
MONICA: Mom, I'm hungry.
MRS. GELLER: Dance with your father.
MR. GELLER: I may not know any of your flash dances but I'm no slouch on
the dance floor.
MONICA: Alright.
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack.
MR. GELLER: Oh, Judy. Oh, Judy.
BOTH: Oh, ohhhhh.
[Monica is visibly upset]
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