RACHEL: Just one cheek.
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
RACHEL: Alright, just put your hands out and I'll back up into them.
ROSS: That's romantic.
RACHEL: C'mon touch it.
RACHEL: Oh, come on squeeze it.
RACHEL: Rub it.
RACHEL: Oh, come on, would you just grab my ass.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
JOEY: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet somehow its expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax.
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?
ROSS: That was 14 hours ago.
CHANDLER: So how'd it go?
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
CHANDLER: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.
JOEY: She laughed at you?
ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?
CHANDLER: It's the Miracle Wax.
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
RACHEL: Hi. Listen, I was um, thinkin' about. . .
CHANDLER: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
RACHEL: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I really want to make it up to you.
ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how?
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
ROSS: Humm, that sounds, I don't, perfect.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
RACHEL: What's this.
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
[Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye appointment.]
DR. BURKE: I'm going to look into your eyes now.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.
MONICA: Good, they feel good, in my head.
DR. BURKE: So, it's great to see ya.
MONICA: You too.
DR. BURKE: You too.
MONICA: OK, um. Goodbye.
DR. BURKE: Drops!
DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free.
MONICA: Thanks. So, I guess I better be going.
DR. BURKE: Oh, OK, yeah. I'll see ya later.
MONICA: Thanks again.
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
PHOEBE: We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
JOEY: No, inside good, outside bad.
PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.
CHANDLER: She's one of us now.
[Rachel and Ross enter]
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.
ROSS: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say goodnight.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
RACHEL: Alright you guys, I'm takin' off my shirt.
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
[Monica enters carrying food that's been delivered]
MONICA: Stop sending food to our apartment.
ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up?
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
MONICA: No one.
ROSS: C'mon, what's his name?
ROSS: Come on, tell me.
MONICA: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.
MONICA: It's Richard Burke.
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
MONICA: Well for your information he happens to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated, sexiest men I've ever been with.
ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy?
RACHEL and PHOEBE: Oh God, absolutely.
ROSS: [his beeper goes off] It's the museum again, can I, oh.
RACHEL: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.
RACHEL: When I was um, 7, I crashed my bike right out in front of his house and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here. [points to the tip of her nose]
PHOEBE: Oh you are so lucky.
RACHEL: I know.
ROSS: [on the phone] Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.
CHANDLER: Well maybe he was nervous.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
RACHEL: It's OK, it's fine.
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the pictures in his wallet.]
MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle?
DR. BURKE: Yep.
MONICA: I've not seen her since high school graduation. Oh my God, that night she got so dru. . . motional.
DR. BURKE: Ya know, she's having another baby.
MONICA: I thought she just had one.
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
DR. BURKE: Yeah. Are we nuts here?
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
DR. BURKE: So.
MONICA: So maybe we should just. . .
DR. BURKE: Yeah, yeah, maybe.
MONICA: Wow, this really sucks.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
MONICA: Well, we don't really have to decide anything right now, do we?
DR. BURKE: No, no, there's no rush or anything.
[knock at the door]
DELIVERY GUY: Pizza delivery.
MONICA: Oh, I'm gonna kill those guys.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
ROSS: I'm done.
RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.
ROSS: Wha, OK, I'm sorry, let's uh, why don't we find someplace else.
RACHEL: No, you know what, it's late, everything's gonna be closed. Why don't we just do it another night?
ROSS: No, no, we won't.
RACHEL: We won't?
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
RACHEL: OK, that's dead right?
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing?
ROSS: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape?
ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he starts the music system]
RACHEL: Oh, God.
[The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
RACHEL: Ah, so what are we looking at?
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss]
ROSS: You're not laughing.
RACHEL: This time it's not so funny.
[They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.]
RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.
ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.]
RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you.
ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah.
ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them]