Quotes from
The One With Rachel's Assistant

Rachel: Well, that was okay.
Ross: It wasn't the best.
Chandler: That was one of the worst things ever... and not just on TV.

Phoebe: I can't lie to him again. Oh no, I, no... I'm just gonna press my breasts up against him.
Chandler: And say nothing?
Phoebe: Uh huh, that's right.

Monica: Phoebe, do you think your favorite animal says very much about you?
Phoebe: What, you mean behind my back?

Chandler: We stopped at this restaurant for tacos, and when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car.

Monica: Oh my God, he threw up?
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throwup.

Chandler: That's it? I gave up my Disneyland story for that?
Monica: That's right, you lose, sucker! Please still marry me.

Rachel: Chandler, you have an assistant, right?
Chandler: Did she call? You told her I was sick, right? Always tell her I am sick.

Joey: Well, I guess you think you're pretty special, huh? Sitting up here in your fancy small-hall building making stars jump through hoops for you. Well, you know what? This is one star whose hoop... this is a star that the hoop... this hoop.... I was Dr. Drake Remoray!

Monica: Hey, good, you're home.
Chandler: Aw, that's always nicer to hear than, "Aw, crap, you again."

Ross: What you got over there? Tacos?
Monica: No, no, they're um... they're just uh... they're ground beef smilies.
Ross: Uh, those are tacos.
Monica: Excuse me, Mr. Mexico.

Ross: Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with GIRLS.
Monica: You kissed a guy!?
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.

Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won.
Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried.

Ross: Once, Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made.

Ross: In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm.
Chandler: Dude, that was you.
Ross: Whatever, dude, you kissed a guy.

Rachel: Phoebe. That's a great name.
Phoebe: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.

Terry: Joey Tribbiani. I'm surprised your big head could fit through our small halls.

Monica: You know, in my defense, um, there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue.
Ross: And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me.

Chandler: You know when I said that because we're getting married we should share everything and not have any secrets?
Monica: Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah, that was stupid. Let's not do that.

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